Thursday, February 24, 2011

A SQL Poem

One of the jobs I recently applied for asked for a SQL poem as part of the application.  I love stuff like this so I took a little time and came up with the following.  (This actually did happen to me once...)

I didn't originally title it, but I think I'll call it...

"Wait... STAT!" by S

The week was starting bad for Joe
His app was running way too slow.
He summoned Steve, from regions nether
To patch performance back together.

“Well, here’s your problem-- clear as Windex:
You’ve got a missing clustered index.
This calls for not just any geek; we'll
Need one who speaks fluent SQL."

Functions, unctions, query plans:
"We'll need more seeks, and fewer scans.
And then, to get some extra speed, yer
Gonna need a stored procedure."

Steve worked fast, with mumbled zeal,
Declared, "Success! Just watch 'er squeal!"
Said Joe, "While I applaud your fervor,
My problem's on this other server."

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