I didn't originally title it, but I think I'll call it...
"Wait... STAT!" by S
The week was starting bad for Joe
His app was running way too slow.
He summoned Steve, from regions nether
To patch performance back together.
“Well, here’s your problem-- clear as Windex:
You’ve got a missing clustered index.
This calls for not just any geek; we'll
Need one who speaks fluent SQL."
Functions, unctions, query plans:
"We'll need more seeks, and fewer scans.
And then, to get some extra speed, yer
Gonna need a stored procedure."
Steve worked fast, with mumbled zeal,
Declared, "Success! Just watch 'er squeal!"
Said Joe, "While I applaud your fervor,
My problem's on this other server."